I think I have posted this pic somewhere sometimes ago, but this makes a great photo for the Saturday Photohunt theme this week: Old Fashioned.

Labels: family, memory, photohunt

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I wasn't a successful breastfeeding mommy. I only breastfed my daughter for three months and I also had to mix it with formula. I wasn't proud with that. Indeed I'm sad about it.

But, I had some reasons (not excuses, reasons...). First of all, I got bleeding after the birth--although right after she was born, she was given to me for a breastfeeding trial and to causes contractions of the uterus, which helps avoid heavy bleeding. So, I had to stay in the birthing room until 5 hours afterwards (00.30 AM). And, without my ob/gyn knowing it, my daughter was given some formula.

The next morning, at 8 AM, they brought my daughter in so that I could learn to breastfeed her. But, it seemed like my baby was terribly hungry and no milk came out of my breast. After almost an hour of trying, my Mom gave up. She wanted the baby to be fed. Seeing my baby crying like that, I felt like crying and stupidly let the baby get another bottle of formula.

But, less than two hours after that, a pediatric and a nurse came to my room saying that my baby had to be observed since she vomited a few times. I cried and cried. That seemed to make it harder for my milk to come out. You know the tension and all.

My milk did finally come out on the third day when some nurses helped me with the pumping tool. So, the colostrum was given through bottle feeding. It was better than not at all.

But, the next day, I managed to breastfed her. I was so happy. Yet, my milk wasn't enough. So, they had to add some special formula for my baby for she was diagnosed allergic to the usual cow formula.

We went home on the 6th day--which is kinda unusual for a normal birth, but I didn't want to leave my baby in the observation room by herself. I always tried to breastfed her. Only a few times I mixed with the special formula, just not to make her hungry.

But, before she was a month, my beloved GrandMa was hospitalized, she was in a coma. My family didn't want to tell me but I sensed it, there was something wrong. So, they let me visit her in the ICU. But the stress was too hard for me to handle. Suddenly, there was no milk came out of my breast. And, I had no choice, I gave my baby the special formula again.

But, after my GrandMa went home from the hospital and recovered, the milk came out again. And, I managed to breastfed my baby until she was almost three months. After that, she refused my milk and worst, I had to go back to work.

Back then, I didn't know that there was a lactation clinic to help Moms like me. I knew it only seven months afterwards. So, I had no choice, I had to use the baby feeding bottle.

Oh yes, I feel guilty. Yet, my baby seems to be as smart and as healthy as other kids who got breastfed by the mother. However, I'm not planning to experience the same thing with my second child. If I don't produce enough milk, I will visit the lactation consultants and get help.

However, I think some baby feeding bottles are still needed--especially those designed to mimic the natural flex and feel of a mum's breast--to help my baby drink the milk that I have pumped for him should I have to visit some clients or attend some meeting. Being a WAHM doesn't mean that there is no going-out task at all!

The question is: When will I have my second baby?

I don't know...do you?

Labels: about me, blog, family, hana, internet

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Yesterday, we celebrated Idul Adha. We spent it mostly at my in-laws. My mother in law is having osteoporosis with a fracture on the back bone. So, we decided to spend the whole day there.

Since she cannot move a lot, so, I took the liberty to help her with some cookings. Normally, on Idul Adha, we get lots of goat meat. My MIL told me to just fry them. All you have to do is simply add some salt and ground pepper. But, the taste is YUMMY!

For lunch, it was me who slice the meat yet my MIL was the one who put the salt and pepper. Yet, for lunch, it was all me who did the job.

And, you know what? The meat was hard to eat! I was soooo embarrassed. But hey, it's not all my fault. According to what I know, goat meat would be soft if you made the right cut on the first place. When I received the meat, they were already sliced into big pieces. And, I simply made them smaller.

So, it wasn't my fault...was it?

Labels: family

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As mentioned before, hubby and I decided to return the laptop I bought 'coz it kinda caused much trouble. So, we're back into this one and only computer of my hubby's.

His business needs internet connection, mine, too. And, mybabyhana sometimes thinks she needs it as well to check out (read: play in) some sites provising online games such as Barneys, PBS Kids, Barbie, etc.

So, can you imagine how tired the computer would be with me and him, plus mybabyhana, three internet addicts?

Well, we're just trying to make a living (and mybabyhana is just trying to have fun). I believe the compie (its nickname) would understand anyway.

So, compie, we all love you, please take care and stay out of viruses and be healthy!

Labels: family, job, life, projects

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No, I'm not pregnant...yet...

Ok, I admit it, I haven't got my period, it's been 14 days late. But, it doesn't mean I'm pregnant. It's been the 3rd times since I stopped having the pills and the last 2 times, I got the period eventually.

To be honest, we're not ready for it yet. But, we won't say no to God's will. Actually, now, we're kinda excited about it.

Like the second time when it was late...we already had a cute nickname for the supposed-to-be baby in my tummy. So, when finally I got the period, we were kinda sad.

Funny isn't it?

But, pregnant or not, I'm planning to visit my ob/gyn sometimes next week.

Say, I'm pregnant...I really wish that it will be a boy ;D well, coz if it's not, there will be another pregnancy in the next 4 years!

Labels: about me, family

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Things have been changed lately. I’ve figured out some interesting facts about my life and my family’s. So, I think some plans are required.

1. Get myself my own desk. This has been done. I’ve got my own desk. Not the big one I brought from my ex-office, but the one my hubby just bought and assembled yesterday. It’s smaller and fits my room well. I put it in front of the window—will show you the picture later on.

2. Get an Internet connection. Today was the big day. The technician came today and fixed it. God, it’s good to be back!

3. Move out. It’s about time. We have been asking for information to our friends about some rented house. We don’t know yet when to move out but it’s planned!

4. Sell stuff. It’s for sure that if we move out, the new home will be very tiny. So, we decided to sell our stuffs that are big and replace them with some simple and petite things.

5. Get another translating job. The one I am doing is about to get done. So, hopefully by midst of this month, I’ve got a new task.

6. Make more money to get settled. To be honest, it’s a bit up and down lately when it comes to money. But, hey, money is not the thing that can make you happy, right? So, yes, thank God we’re happy, still.

7. Write more. In a way, it is related to # 6 but in other way, it is not. I need to write for my own good, my own happiness.

8. Run a business. I know what kind of business that suits me and it’s about to be started, soon, I hope!

9. Lose weight! Oh, well, being a , I don’t have to walk around 1600 steps each day to work—yes, I counted, one way is 800 steps—, and I have to eat those yummy foods my Mom makes. Oh yes, they’re yummy!

10. Help my parents more. No, they never ask for me to lend a hand, I just feel I need to. Since I was born, they were there for me, it’s time for me to be there for them.

11. Have my 2nd book published. God, help me so next year there will be another book…

12. Prepare for my daughter’s further education. It’s both the fund and the institution. My hubby and I need to look for the right school. So far, we’re still hoping that we won’t have to send her to some public schools and we have enough money to send her to just some middle-class private school yet with great curriculums and teaching methods. I wish I could homeschool her, but I don’t think I have the patience and quality.

13. Move out…oh, I’ve said that already?

Labels: about me, family, house/home, life, projects, WAHM

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After I got married, my hubby and I lived in our own rented house. It was beautiful. Until one day, I had to go back living with my GrandMa for some reasons: 1) She asked for me to accompany her; 2) I got a new job which didn't facilitate me with a car to bring my daughter to my Mom's whenever I went to work. So, moving back was all I need.

Now, both reasons don't suit anymore for my GrandMa passed away last year and now I work at home. So, I think this might be the right moment for me to move out of the house.

And, from what I believe in, a queen needs her own castle. I am a queen now. And, I need my own castle! I also believe that a nuclear family should live in a separate house from the extended family.

I keep praying to God for a home of my own where I can be a ruling queen for my own kingdom.

Labels: about me, family, house/home

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All this time, I’ve always been amazed to SAHM (Stay at Home Mom). But, now, I am more amazed to WAHM! No, not to my self, ‘cause I don’t consider myself a successful WAHM.

I didn’t know how to manage cleaning up my house, looking after my BabyHana, and working. I thought I could do my job while looking after my baby girl—she’s no longer a baby, 3 years old, but for me, she’s always my little BabyHana. But then, I was wrong!

BabyHana keeps seeking for my attention. I gave her puzzle to solve, she came to me for a help. I gave her papers and crayons, she broke those crayons into pieces. I gave her some origami papers, she cut them out using scissors—don’t worry about her getting cut, she’s great with the scissors.

So, I spent my time cleaning up again and again. Plus, the maids working for me and my mom haven’t come back from their Idul Fitri Holiday at Kampung.

I only can work whenever Hana is sleeping at night—no she never takes a nap in the afternoon, she has too much energy to use! So, whenever I needed to work or do some errands, I sent her to my Mom’s. Normally, I would not do it because BabyHana’s lovely GrandMa has a great stock of chocolate bars—she has diabetes but she keeps chocolate in her fridge…tell me about it!

I managed to make her lose 2 pounds in almost a month (she now weighs 44 pounds). But, I think, after sending almost every 2 days to my Mom’s…she might even gain some more weight.

Labels: about me, family, life

Now, I'm blogging at http://NadiahAlwi.com/english, please visit me there. Thanks.

Labels: about me, family, memory

Now, I'm blogging at http://NadiahAlwi.com/english, please visit me there. Thanks.

It's not yet 6 years since we met on the net (through MIRC) and we decided to be together, it's been more than 5 years since we got engaged, and almost 4 years that we've been married...

Ups and downs...ups ups ups...downs downs downs...ups ups ups...

Hopefully there will be more ups than downs...*amin*

You're there for me...as I'll try to always be there for you...

Just wanna say, in this ordinary yet special day, that I love you so much!

Labels: family, hubby

Now, I'm blogging at http://NadiahAlwi.com/english, please visit me there. Thanks.

Oh, she really shows that she's a big girl now.

Imagine...her first performance! She's been practicing for the last 2 or three weeks, I think. Oh, I really hope that she'll be doing great. It kinda reminds me of a poem I read for my Mom when I was in kindergarten, a bit older than Hana.

It's so amazing seeing her grow up, experiencing funny moments when she comments on things the way we, grown-ups do. Just like the beginning of this week, she said to me and her Abi who were lying in bed in a sunny morning, "Hey, what are you both doing? Just lying there...it's almost noon. Wake up!" *in Indonesian, translated into English*

Afterwards, instead of getting up, hubby and I kissed her all over and we continued lying in bed, the three of us. Well, such a moment to enjoy.

So, for tomorrow, I had to buy costumes for Hana. No, not animal costume or anything weird. Simply a sleeveless t-shirt and a jeans skirt. But it was HARD!

Why?

Hana is big for her age. Now she weighs 18.5 kg. And, quite tall.

So, I brought one of her T-shirt and jeans to a shopping center, and I looked for a size that might have fit her. And, I had to go around and around just to get them. Yes, I finally got them. Thank God.

The show is tomorrow morning. Hopefully we won't spend much time lying in bed so that we won't get late and this afternoon I spent in the shopping center becomes useless.

As usual, I tend to promise that I will upload pictures--which lately I never kept. I will try my best, though.

Have a pleasent weekend, pals!

Labels: family, hana, school

Now, I'm blogging at http://NadiahAlwi.com/english, please visit me there. Thanks.

After spending a week in sorrow and being totally busy helping my mother in law preparing the wedding of her son (my husband’s youngest brother), now, I’m considered back to normal life.

Let me explain the sorrow…it started when the printing house doing my book made an unnecessary mistake that lead them to reprint the whole books. That meant I couldn’t publish the book on my birthday. I was kinda frustrated, I have to admit. I was extremely disappointed.

Then, I was foolishly expecting something that I shouldn’t have (not related to my book at all, it’s another stuff). And, when it seemed like the thing wouldn’t happen, I got very disappointed again.

And, worst, I had been ill the whole week. I couldn’t stop coughing again and again. I couldn’t sleep well.

Such a sad week, wasn’t it?

Now, about the wedding. It was fun. It’s just I wasn’t at my best condition. Both physically and mentally. I should’ve done more than what I’d done.

And that whole week, I didn’t touch the translation project. Well, I should’ve but I just didn’t have the energy.

But now, I’m being my robust strong-willed energetic self again. Thank God.

It started last Sunday when I was reading La Tahzan, Don't Be Sad, a book by DR Aidh Abdullah Al-Qarni. I recommend that book to anyone willing to get rid of gloom.

It helped me. It’ll help you.

Now, will you excuse me, I need to get back to work!

Labels: about me, family

Now, I'm blogging at http://NadiahAlwi.com/english, please visit me there. Thanks.

She helped me let go of my fear…
She made me stop all the unnecessary worries…
She ended my silly thoughts…

With her tears, with her sincere smile, with her words…
That she was proud of me…
That she claimed that I’d done my best…

Mom,
Thank you for your faith in me,
Thank you for always being there for me,
Thank you for your endless love…

I love you so much. I really do. That’s why this novel is dedicated to you…

*So now, no matter what will happen to my Quadrangle, I know that I’ve got myself a groupie, my own beloved Mom*

Labels: birthdays, family, quadrangle

Now, I'm blogging at http://NadiahAlwi.com/english, please visit me there. Thanks.

When I was very busy with the preparation of my novel, I had to take an hour each evening (after getting home from office) to retouch the design of the cover or edit some words. Actually evening should be my time with my babyhana.

So, one day, when she saw me in front of the computer, still saving some data, she looked angry and said, "Throw these away! Just throw away your work!"

OMG, I was so sad. It looked like she got jealous at my work.

But last Wednesday was the final day of the preparation. So, starting last night, I could spend the whole evening with her. She looked happy. And, of course, I'm happy.

She's my everything. I've been trying to publish the novel not for my own satisfaction. I do it for her, for us. She needs more fund later when she grows up to go to college or even university. This novel is one of the so many ways I try in order to give her the chance to get as high education.

I think, one day she'll understand.

Labels: about me, family, hana, my novel

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Labels: family, hana, health, wordless wednesday

Now, I'm blogging at http://NadiahAlwi.com/english, please visit me there. Thanks.

Every Wednesday Nights, I look up the sky...
Searching for your face.

Every Wednesday Nights, I go to your room...
Wishing you were still there.

Every Wednesday Nights, I call your name...
Hoping that you would answer.

Every Wednesday Nights, my heart aches...
Missing you soo deeply, Dear Jidah.

Jidah: GrandMa

Labels: family

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Labels: birthdays, family, wordless wednesday

Now, I'm blogging at http://NadiahAlwi.com/english, please visit me there. Thanks.

Tomorrow, my brother in law (my hubby's brother) is having his engagement.

I was chosen by my MIL to arrange everything. In a way, it's fun but in other way, I 'm afraid if what I've been doing cannot please her. Not that she's hard to please, not at all. But, I'm afraid she hoped for more and I can't arrange it as well as her hopes.

Plus, I'm also afraid if it can't please the future fiancé and her family. Or, it's just me worrying too much? Don't know.

BTW, today is my Mom's birthday. I baked her a cake this morning. I almost failed for the oven didn't work well. Glad that I could use the microwave to make it well-done.

The whole family were there, celebrating her birthday with the minimalist cake. My BabyHana did the praying and she looked soooo sweet.

Happy birthday, Mom. You're the best!

Now, about my (future) business...fiuh! I'm nervous about it. Soooooooo damned nervous! Am I a give-uper or what?! I'm not. I'm not. I've been telling myself that I'm not!

Still, I'm scared. What if it fails, just like the cake I baked my Mom? But, wait the minute...I could find a way to make the cake well-done anyway? Right? So, does it mean that I will somehow find a way to make the business go well?

Oh, I really hope so!

*What a weekend spirit!*

Labels: birthdays, business, family

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In Indonesia, we celebrate Mother's Day at December 22nd. It means, today.

But, this year, Mother's Day will only bring tears. It will remind me of my GrandMa who passed away in September.

When she was with us, my Mom, GrandMa and me would spend time together, chatting and laughing. Sometimes, I made fun of her if one of her children forgot the special day and didn't show up.

But now, there's only Mom and me. I'm afraid that both of us will end up crying if I said Happy Mother's Day to her.

Oh, I really miss my GrandMa.

Labels: family

Now, I'm blogging at http://NadiahAlwi.com/english, please visit me there. Thanks.

Let me start with the first word of the above title. Who's got engaged? My cousin.

Yesterday, my family attended an angagement party held by my cousin and his fiancé. What was so special was that it was the fiancé's birthday. It was indeed funny.

Why?

Because the fiancé is my cousin's cousin from his mother side (I'm his cousin from his father's side). Some of his aunties and uncles were surprised.

But all of us prayed for their happiness.

Both are still studying (my cousin's 22 and his fiancé's 21). So, they won't get married until the next 2 years.

My brother, 26 years old, doesn't even have a girl friend. But hope soon he'll find his soulmate.

And now, about blogger beta.

Yes, finally I took the decision to move to Beta. Why? Don't know. I just feel like it.

:D

Labels: blog, family

Now, I'm blogging at http://NadiahAlwi.com/english, please visit me there. Thanks.