My Breastfeeding Story

I wasn't a successful breastfeeding mommy. I only breastfed my daughter for three months and I also had to mix it with formula. I wasn't proud with that. Indeed I'm sad about it.

But, I had some reasons (not excuses, reasons...). First of all, I got bleeding after the birth--although right after she was born, she was given to me for a breastfeeding trial and to causes contractions of the uterus, which helps avoid heavy bleeding. So, I had to stay in the birthing room until 5 hours afterwards (00.30 AM). And, without my ob/gyn knowing it, my daughter was given some formula.

The next morning, at 8 AM, they brought my daughter in so that I could learn to breastfeed her. But, it seemed like my baby was terribly hungry and no milk came out of my breast. After almost an hour of trying, my Mom gave up. She wanted the baby to be fed. Seeing my baby crying like that, I felt like crying and stupidly let the baby get another bottle of formula.

But, less than two hours after that, a pediatric and a nurse came to my room saying that my baby had to be observed since she vomited a few times. I cried and cried. That seemed to make it harder for my milk to come out. You know the tension and all.

My milk did finally come out on the third day when some nurses helped me with the pumping tool. So, the colostrum was given through bottle feeding. It was better than not at all.

But, the next day, I managed to breastfed her. I was so happy. Yet, my milk wasn't enough. So, they had to add some special formula for my baby for she was diagnosed allergic to the usual cow formula.

We went home on the 6th day--which is kinda unusual for a normal birth, but I didn't want to leave my baby in the observation room by herself. I always tried to breastfed her. Only a few times I mixed with the special formula, just not to make her hungry.

But, before she was a month, my beloved GrandMa was hospitalized, she was in a coma. My family didn't want to tell me but I sensed it, there was something wrong. So, they let me visit her in the ICU. But the stress was too hard for me to handle. Suddenly, there was no milk came out of my breast. And, I had no choice, I gave my baby the special formula again.

But, after my GrandMa went home from the hospital and recovered, the milk came out again. And, I managed to breastfed my baby until she was almost three months. After that, she refused my milk and worst, I had to go back to work.

Back then, I didn't know that there was a lactation clinic to help Moms like me. I knew it only seven months afterwards. So, I had no choice, I had to use the baby feeding bottle.

Oh yes, I feel guilty. Yet, my baby seems to be as smart and as healthy as other kids who got breastfed by the mother. However, I'm not planning to experience the same thing with my second child. If I don't produce enough milk, I will visit the lactation consultants and get help.

However, I think some baby feeding bottles are still needed--especially those designed to mimic the natural flex and feel of a mum's breast--to help my baby drink the milk that I have pumped for him should I have to visit some clients or attend some meeting. Being a WAHM doesn't mean that there is no going-out task at all!

The question is: When will I have my second baby?

I don't know...do you?

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